News

Cleanliness is next to Godliness, says meth dealer

A man recently convicted of manufacturing meth for supply has given a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘money laundering’. Aussie drongo Alan Tran was caught with multiple pellets full of meth, and was sentenced recently in the Auckland District Court. When a house in South Auckland was raided by police, they found a cache of cash hidden inside a dishwasher. When asked why he thought that would be a good place to hide his ill-gotten funds, Tran said, “Well, mate, ya know. I had to launder it, like, and… Read More

“I’m the real victim here!” – Geoff speaks out

Geoff Booth has become a sensation (and not in a good way) after he singled out a man with a tā moko and referred to him as a member of the Mongrel Mob. Hailing from Waitaki, Booth made a post on Twitter under the account name GeoffsNZViews, claiming that “Mongrel Mob criminals” were at a recent protest in Auckland. He chose to share an image which prominently featured Auckland man Kia Kanuta alongside the controversial tweet. In the face of the backlash, Booth has retreated, making his twitter profile private…. Read More

“Just trying to make people laugh”, Stuff explains

“Trustworthy, reliable and accurate news stories are more important now than ever…” So says Stuff – but do their claims measure up to their content? The news giant, like almost all other information media outlets, finds itself struggling to stay afloat and remain relevant in these turbulent times. Some, such as Bauer, elected to let themselves sink rather than fight to keep their heads above water. Stuff, however, is made of sterner… well, stuff. With the reality of their situation becoming increasingly dire, the powers that be decided they would… Read More

Coronavirus: Mobs forming to ‘deal with’ outbreak

Coronavirus infections are on the rise around the world, and New Zealand is joining other countries in forming organised mobs. A call to action is going viral online, stating that “healthy people need to pull together to stop the spread of coronavirus.” “We need to gather as many resources as possible. Raid the supermarkets. The end is nigh,” said one New Zealand-based prepper. “If anyone gets in your way or takes what you reach for, knock the fucker out. Survival of the fittest.” In addition to this advice, mob organisers… Read More

Bridges to use ‘Jon Snow’ argument as defense in court

In a landmark move that may well set a precedent for future legal cases, it has been revealed that National Party leader Simon Bridges intends to use the ‘Jon Snow’ argument when he faces investigators. “I didn’t know any of this. I have no information in relation to the other donation,” Bridges said in a statement on Tuesday. Bridges said he got the idea for the argument from watching HBO’s Game of Thrones, a popular series based on the book series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R…. Read More

“NIMBY is as bad as the N word” – NIMBYs

NIMBY types around the country are rallying for a new cause – having the word NIMBY reclassified as an offensive slur. “It’s making us look bad,” one man claimed. “We have the right to try block people from doing things we don’t like.” NIMBY is an acronym which translates to Not In My Back Yard, and is used to describe an individual or group who opposes an activity purely on the basis that it is happening near them. NIMBYs have been particularly active in New Zealand of late, opposing a… Read More

“We are the E-Scooter Gnomes” – Towing company

A towing company has been outed as uplifting Lime scooters and bikes from Auckland’s streets and demanding a ransom of two hundred dollars for their return, according to Newshub. The Stuffed Herald has undertaken an investigation in order to discover the real reason e-transport devices are being snatched from the streets, and to many New Zealanders, the answer may not come as a surprise . In Newshub’s article, Auckland Towing claims that they are taking the electric scooters and bikes at the behest of “their clients” and that the uplifts… Read More

Youths ready to take on Baby Boomers in ‘heaviest drinkers’ stoush

Youths of New Zealand, it’s time for an uprising. Take the power, and the booze, back. A secret Facebook group has been created to prevent Baby Boomers from usurping the title of “biggest drinkers” from New Zealand’s young people. An article published yesterday caused an uproar when it was suggested Baby Boomers are more likely to engage in harmful drinking behaviors than youths. Baby Boomers is the term given to people born between 1946 and 1964. By comparison, today’s youth would be Generation Z, born between the late 1990s and… Read More

Stuff News launches new “Seek and Destroy” Squad

Stuff news, in an unprecedented act of gutter journalism, has launched a new form of reporting today. The Seek and Destroy Squad aims to ‘name and shame’ persons who are not yet suspected of any criminal activity, in an attempt to stir up hostility against the named person. The goals of the squad resemble a vigilante approach, where a target is selected and subjected to ‘street justice’ rather than going through due process. An article on the house explosion that occurred in Christchurch on Friday, published this morning, targeted a… Read More