Posts in Politics

Bridges to use ‘Jon Snow’ argument as defense in court

In a landmark move that may well set a precedent for future legal cases, it has been revealed that National Party leader Simon Bridges intends to use the ‘Jon Snow’ argument when he faces investigators. “I didn’t know any of this. I have no information in relation to the other donation,” Bridges said in a statement on Tuesday. Bridges said he got the idea for the argument from watching HBO’s Game of Thrones, a popular series based on the book series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R…. Read More

Women who spoke out claim Jami-Lee Ross is an Eproctophile

It has been yet another explosive week in politics, with four women anonymously coming forward to claim Jami-Lee Ross bullied and harassed them. Now those women have released another revelation, speaking exclusively to The Stuffed Herald, stating Ross is also an eproctophile. Eproctophilia is a fetish whereby the person derives sexual pleasure and arousal from flatulence. Debate has raged back and forth over who is in the wrong, with a few people supporting Ross, while the majority of the National Party and its supporters appear to back Simon Bridges. The women… Read More

Bridges is “definitely framing” Ross, insider says

The political world is in an uproar today following Simon Bridges’ announcement the person behind the spending leak has been identified, but an insider claims the accused is innocent. Following the conclusion of their internal investigation, National released a statement this afternoon at a press conference that their prime suspect is fellow MP Jami-Lee Ross. However Ross has hit back today with a series of tweets, warning his followers prior to the announcement that Bridges was going to “try and pin his leak inquiry on me.” He has followed the initial… Read More

Petrol may hit $4/ltr by Christmas: secret scheme revealed

Prepare your pockets – a source close to the inner circle of politics has revealed a secret plan to raise the at-pump cost of petrol to $4 a litre by Christmas. Our whistleblower, who has asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, works closely within the Labour party and decided to speak out today after the Prime Minister inferred New Zealander’s complaints about the rising costs were unjustified and unreasonable. Jacinda Ardern asserted this morning on Breakfast that “the increases they [low income families receiving family tax credits]… Read More

Stefan Molyneux reacts to refugee increase: “I told you so”

Stefan Molyneux has allegedly weighed in on PM Jacinda Ardern’s announcement this afternoon that New Zealand will increase its refugee quota from 1000 people per year to 1500 by 2020. In a screenshot provided to us this afternoon by a reader, Stefan Molyneux appears to claim in a tweet, “New Zealand PM has announced they will take an extra 500 refugees a year. I told you so. Enjoy your #ShairaLaw.” In a final jibe, perhaps in reference to his and comrade Lauren Southern’s unsuccessful attempts to speak in New Zealand… Read More

Donald Trump is waging war against plagiarism and wants to make it a capital offense

Donald Trump has today declared a new war, this time against plagiarism. In a recent tweet, Trump expresses outrage at the apparent hijacking of a book his son, Donald Trump Jr., has been attempting in vain to have published. “…an almost identical book to be released, but not by my son! Plagiarists should be hung!” declares the tweet. Trump ends the mini-rant by asserting he intends to make the “travesty” a capital offense, before signing off with his trademark #MAGA. Trump’s sudden opposition to plagiarism may strike some as ironic,… Read More

Alcohol reforms to be tightened under new bill

A new bill proposing tighter alcohol reforms is said to be in the process of being drafted with the intention of submitting it to the house sometime in the coming months. A parliamentary insider, who cannot be named for fear of reprisals, has drawn attention to this new bill which is said to be influenced strongly by the views of Sir Geoffrey Palmer and supported by noted politicians such as Judith Collins and Michael Woodhouse. Sir Geoffrey’s condemnation of MPs regarding alcohol reform issues was widely publicised in 2012, when… Read More

“Can’t get rid of me that easily!” Gareth Morgan’s new hard-hitting political party

Gareth Morgan may be set to rise like a phoenix from the ashes after setting TOP on fire in a shock move on Monday. Since he announced the fledgling investment is to be deregistered, the internet has been abuzz with debate about why Gareth really did it and whether anyone actually gives a toss. “Get stuffed, everyone.” Gareth has submitted a passionate letter to the EC regarding his party, which has since been leaked online. In some what might call a foolhardy show of bravery, Newshub reached out to Gareth… Read More

“Far-right” supporters deemed dangerous and violent; ideology to be outlawed

It has been an interesting week for supporters of free speech, and in particular people who identify with or support “far-right” ideologies. First, divisive pair Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux had their booking at a Council-owned venue, where they had planned to speak, cancelled. Auckland May Phil Goff received widespread criticism for his unrepentant condemnation of the pair’s opinions and emphasised that they would not be given a platform in any Council-owned or managed venues. On the back of this rejection, Southern was denied an automatic entry visa to New Zealand… Read More