Gareth Morgan may be set to rise like a phoenix from the ashes after setting TOP on fire in a shock move on Monday.

Since he announced the fledgling investment is to be deregistered, the internet has been abuzz with debate about why Gareth really did it and whether anyone actually gives a toss.

“Get stuffed, everyone.”

The letter sent by Gareth Morgan to the EC.

Gareth has submitted a passionate letter to the EC regarding his party, which has since been leaked online.

In some what might call a foolhardy show of bravery, Newshub reached out to Gareth following the announcement and earlier today tentatively published his responses.

Gareth pulled no punches, throwing out a bunch of words and phrases which are clearly among his favourites, such as “fat and complacent” “flakes” (short for snowflakes?) and “sycophants”; and generally making disparaging comments about all and sundry in his usual brusque style.

However, rumours have begun to emerge that Gareth Morgan is refusing to walk away with his tail between his legs – to the contrary, he intends to come back to the fray, bigger and more unforgiving and snarky than ever.

In the war room, suggested campaign promises are likely to be just as – if not more – controversial.
They include:

– Free lipstick for every swine in New Zealand
– Bigger taxes for investment property owners – up to 80%
– Cats will be required to be registered into a national database and a night curfew enforced. Owners whose cats do not comply will face heavy fines
– Gerry Brownlee to give up his home in Ilam and go live in Aranui
– Mandatory classes in recognising policy excellence over popularity
– A swift kick up the ass for all politicians
– Vapers to be locked inside a small room, if they vape in public the device should be inserted where the sun don’t shine.

No confirmed names for the new party have been announced, but possible options have also been a discussion point as Gareth and his mystery team plan their attack.

Some of the likely names on the list are:

DILLIGAF (Does it look like I give a f**k)
FUYC (F**k up you c**ts)
YABOT (Y’all a bunch of tw**s)
GIT (Gareth is Tops)

When asked how he plans to fund this new party, Gareth Morgan apparently said intends to use his super and winter energy payments.
“I don’t need them, but I’ll take them anyway, thanks – now I have my new motorcycle I need to find something else to blow it on.”

What do you think of Gareth Morgan building a new party?
Do you support the campaign promises released so far?
Which name do you prefer out of the shortlist?

Tell us in the comments or on our Facebook page!

Disclaimer: In case it's not immediately obvious to you, we're a satire website. The content above is meant for entertainment purposes and contains hyperbole, blatantly false statements and should not be taken as fact. If you're upset by some of the content, we suggest immediately heading to your doctor and asking for a prescription for some concrete pills, and perhaps a therapist to help you figure out why you are upset by strangers' opinions on the internet.

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *